Fanzone 001 ~ Droid Repair
Are these the droids you’re looking for?
Various toys, models, action figures, dolls, and stuff, with science fiction and fantasy in mind.
Star Wars Universe.
No copyright infringement is intended.
Not for profit. Just for fannish entertainment.
Cast of Characters:
Whitey – A greyish-white Pit Droid.
Rusty — A reddish-brown Pit Droid.
R5-D4 — An astromech droid.
A little while ago in a galaxy nearby....
We enter a very 8-bit droid factory repair shop on an all but forgotten worldlet.
In the air are the sounds of industrial machinery and the electronic vocalizations of multiple droids, and the smell of oils and alcohols and fluids foreign to organic lifeforms.
Here, under the harsh glare of artificial lighting, we see two PIT DROIDS busily picking at a dilapidated R5-D4 astromech droid.
On the decking nearby are many wires, circuit boards, and other droid parts.
Greyish-White Pit Droid: This little R5-D4 sure has been through a lot.
Reddish-Brown Pit Droid: Yeah, he’s got sand everywhere, must be from Tatooine.
R5-D4: (Coughing) :Cough, cough, cough: etc. (Sounds like an electric sander)
Greyish-White Pit Droid: Tatooine, Dantooine, Alderaan, Corellia. Rusty, you ever feel like we’re just a cog in some vast machine?
Reddish-Brown Pit Droid: All the time, Whitey, all the time.
R5-D4: (Can’t believe it; Oh, brother!) :Whistles: etc.
Reddish-Brown Pit Droid: What’s got you so gloomy, Whitey?
Greyish-White Pit Droid: It’s this chip on my shoulder, it keeps glitching.
R5-D4: (Sneezes. Sand belches out all over.) :Bzzt, burr-rip: etc.
Reddish-Brown Pit Droid: No, I think it’s all in your head. You need another one.
Greyish-White Pit Droid: Yeah! Two heads are better than one! Rusty, I think it’s my shoulder chip. I can’t help it. It’s the pits!
R5-D4: (Winces) :Bubble, squeak, scrambled feedback: etc.
Reddish-Brown Pit Droid: Whitey, we’re Pit Droids. Of course it’s the pits! Now come on, this is a rush job. Some kid needs this R5-D4 in a hurry. He’s got a bad motivator.
Greyish-White Pit Droid: Who, the organic?
Reddish-Brown Pit Droid: No, the astromech! You know, I think you‘re the one with the bad motivator. Why, I oughta....
R5-D4: (Whistles, sputters to get their attention) :Long string of fast invective. He is cussing them out or giving orders.:
Greyish-White Pit Droid: How do ya like that! Look who’s getting bossy! A starfighter pilot and mechanical repair droid!
Reddish-Brown Pit Droid: Aw, quit fussing. You want some prissy protocol droid ordering you around?
R5-D4: (Gives them the raspberries, astromech droid style.)
Greyish-White Pit Droid: Heck, no. That last one never would shut up.
Reddish-Brown Pit Droid: All you had to do was put him on mute, Whitey.
R5-D4: (Amused whistle and chuckle)
Greyish-White Pit Droid: What did you think I was fixing? His toupé?
Reddish-Brown Pit Droid: Hey, you think you could fit one with coiled wire and hair curlers, and this voice? Just for a laugh.
Greyish-White Pit Droid: We’re droids. We have no souls, no emotions, no true sentience. We are only programmed responses....
Reddish-Brown Pit Droid: Oh, there you go again. Tell you what. You go recharge. I’ll fix this little R5-D4 up, and then I’ll spin your rotors and fix your motivator. And maybe replace your shoulder chip. And maybe swap your head. Or at least reboot you.
R5-D4: (Really wants out of here.) :Worried beeps and chirps.:
Greyish-White Pit Droid: At least let me plug in and cycle my pistons!
Reddish-Brown Pit Droid: Oh, you maniac, you. Tell me more....
R5-D4: (Edges away slowly, concerned for the ratings system.)
Greyish-White Pit Droid: (Laughing) What? Where are you going? Of course, we complain! We take each other apart and put each other back together.
Reddish-Brown Pit Droid: (Laughing) What he’s trying to say is, he’s bored with mere repairs. He wants to...experiment with higher-order philosophy, dabble in the metaphysical prosody....
R5-D4: (Rolls his eye-cameras and whistles. Again, he can’t believe these two.
Greyish-White Pit Droid: Aw, what did I tell ya, Rusty? No appreciation for the finer points. Let’s really fix him!
Reddish-Brown Pit Droid: You mean...the Upgrade?
Greyish-White Pit Droid: Yeah, the Upgrade. THE Upgrade! That one!
Reddish-Brown Pit Droid: OK, oh, why not? Could be fun. See what he’ll do.
Greyish-White Pit Droid: Right! He’s an outmoded astromech droid. Yeah, sorry, buddy, but it’s true. Let’s see if the organics even notice! Hah-hah, it’ll be insanely great!
R5-D4: (Tries to object, but can’t move. His restraining bolt has been activated.)
Reddish-Brown Pit Droid: This will just take a nano-second...!
R5-D4: (Worried whistle, gulp, and then: Whoo-whee-eee-ee!)
Greyish-White Pit Droid: Hahahaha!
Reddish-Brown Pit Droid: Hahahaha!