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A Brief Story
Copyright © By Ben Whisman. All Rights Reserved.
Originally posted as Blue at Codey’s World forum, .
Word Count: 1056;
Briefs…How can I put this so it doesn’t sound weird?
It probably will sound weird any way I say it, but it is weird enough and common enough, I thought, why not?
If the mods think I’ve lost my last marbles, then they could be right…. Seriously, I just thought it was a weird observation. So here goes.
Briefs. Some guys wear ’em. Some guys wear boxers. Some guys wear nothin’. (OK, fine, but seems like that would chafe.) Unless you’re goin’ around really wearin’ nothin’, which, hey, looks better on some than others, but is at least fair. Also, kinda chilly in winter. But anyway, so what I’m saying is, most guys can relate. Chances are, you’re gonna wear briefs once in a while.
Now some time ago, someone came up with the idea that just one kind of briefs was not enough. So there are the old standard tighty whiteys. There are briefs in lots of colors, and those got to be so common, white can be hard to find now. Then there are mid-rise. Then there are low-rise, which some foolhardy folks call bikini briefs. I think they’re mostly called, that barely covers whatcha got! Which, you know, can have pluses and minuses that we will leave to your over-active imagination.
But friends, neighbors, roommates, relatives, boyfriends, girlfriends, let me tell you, you have not lived until you go to the store, all innocent (OK, not completely innocent, but unsuspecting) and you buy…the briefs designed by someone without, uh, I think, much experience with male anatomy, shall we say.
See, I bought these weird briefs. They are supposed to be normal, ordinary, colored briefs. (They are “Starter” brand. I don’t know what they are starting, but I’m not impressed. They are the right size. But they’re not. Now, without going into specifics (or hysterics) or giving you the wrong idea (whatever that is) let me just say I’m average. I’m not too small and I’m not too big and I’m not too…well, I’m just how I was made, OK? Nobody is likely to fall in lust at the sight of me in my underwear. Hmmm, though if they do, that might be nice, come to think of it. Maybe I shouldn’t under-sell…wait, that isn’t quite what….
OK, never mind, my ego and my self-deprecating sides can go argue in the corner for a while.
These briefs, though, are odd. Oddball? OK, I’ll try to keep the humor from getting too, uh, well, you know.
See, they are the right size. I’m not too conceited about what Mother Nature gave me. I wish the whole body were a little more, I dunno, more something, but I am what I am, and yes, I’m sure these are the right size.
Only the leg openings are weird, too big, and the, uh, room for the equipment is not quite right either. It’s not enough, unless these briefs fit a certain weird way…or maybe unless you hike ’em up too high, or…. Well, I don’t know, but anyway, I think they designed them for some weird body type, possibly aliens. Now, you’re probably thinking I bought some of those fancy *sexy* briefs, the kind that a guy wears when he wants to have fun with his main squeeze. Or wants a main squeeze so he’s gonna show off what he’s got. But no, these really are regular briefs, or supposed to be. Only, I feel like I’m walking around with my bits in danger of escaping at the wrong moment or getting bunched into positions that just were not meant to be. I really think whoever made the pattern for these did not bother, uh, checking out how they would fit on a guy.
I have no idea if others have found this brand is weird, or if it’s personal preference, but they don’t fit me in any way that’s comfortable. I bought a package, about four or six or however many. (Ever notice how it’s not seven, for a week?) I bought ’cause I needed shorts. I’ve been trying to wear them like a responsible shopper. But no, these have gotta go! I am gonna buy some normal briefs.
Note: Yes, I have tried other briefs, and those are cool for feeling good and all, but maybe I’m too self-conscious about it, being shy about certain possible reactions. (Maybe I shouldn’t worry about that.) I don’t much like boxers. I feel like something’s gonna slip out somewhere when it’s least wanted. Boxer-briefs…the legs bunch up, which is just freaky. Commando? Did I mention I’m a little shy about my stuff, and don’t want chafing? (but at home by myself or for sleeping, that’s another thing.)
So…. These briefs have a briefer history than intended. They feel and fit weird to me. When I go to the store next, it’s gonna be some new undies for me.
Hey wait, if I’m really as shy about it as I act, why have I just told teh whole interwebz (or at least you all here) my thoughts on how these things fit? — I do hope there’s some guy out there in the real world who’d want to take a second look if he saw what I’ve got, but no, I’m not expecting him to fall out of the sky and land on my doorstep any time soon. Darn it. Gotta be out around other people to meet Mr. Right. Or Ms. Right, whoever you’d like.
Just thought I’d post for the heck of it. No idea if this is anything anyone else has ever noticed.
Oh, and those Underoos? Dude, those first came out when I was a kid. I didn’t really get why I’d want to wear some superhero’s picture on my butt (or right in front of my, uh, front) and still am not quite sure. But apparently, little boys have been wearing them for years without any serious mental warping going on, except maybe teasing from guys who are insecure about their manhood…. Just, you know, for the sake of completeness of the subject.