audio Audio By
Ben Whisman

Meandering Musings

By Ben Whisman ~

    1. How do I say what needs to be said?
    2. How do I make the change?
    3. Who am I telling?
    4. Me? You? The world? Who?
    5. So many things occur to me.
    6. Yet I don’t know
    7. If my words have any effect.
    8. I don’t see much change in myself
    9. From my own advice
    10. So why do I bother to give it?
    11. It seems like no matter what I say
    12. No one, not even me, quite understands.
    13. So what is the use? What should I do?
    1. And yet…
    2. People say they like me, sometimes.
    3. People listen, a little, maybe.
    4. People keep telling me what’s in their life
    5. Without me ever even asking.
    6. That woman in the grocery store
    7. She just needed to unload and ask?
    8. And all I did was listen and say it’s OK.
    9. What was that? Did I help any?
    10. Why did it happen?
    1. What are all these events in my life?
    2. Times when I feel like I’ve done good.
    3. Times when I feel like I’ve failed.
    4. Times when life dumped things
    5. I didn’t expect, or know how to handle.
    6. What am I supposed to learn?
    7. How do I change me?
    8. How do I bring that change to others?
    1. What are all these people in my life?
    2. Friends I love dearly, and a few who love me.
    3. I’m grateful, but what about when we don’t get along?
    4. What is it? Is there something fundamentally wrong with me?
    5. How can I fix a thing I don’t even know is there?
    6. I can’t even fix the things I do know are there.
    1. Friends I care about, who don’t seem to care back.
    2. What do I do about that? I like them, even so.
    3. Are they really friends, or am I fooling myself?
    4. People I want to know better, yet they keep away
    5. While I keep too distant from people right near.
    6. I want to do some good, so my life means anything
    7. So there’s some reason that mattered, when I’m gone.
    8. I honestly don’t know if anyone will remember.
    9. When they clear out my stuff, what I wrote, what I drew
    10. And all the things that mattered to me
    11. And after all the people I loved are gone.
    1. I miss some people I really love, still love.
    2. They’ve moved on. They’re far away, and gone.
    3. While I am left alone. What was all that?
    4. Yet while we had it, our friendship was true.
    5. It meant something. It still does. To me, anyway.
    6. Some are no longer friends. Why is that so?
    7. A breakup, minds that didn’t agree, hearts broken apart.
    8. Or simply drifting away, through mutual neglect.
    1. Some are not here, no longer on this earth.
    2. They died… too soon. For any who loved them.
    3. But some, oh some, I’d give almost anything
    4. If they could be well and still here.
    5. At least with them, I believe we’ll see each other again
    6. Someday, when my life is done and my time comes.
    7. It will feel so good to hug them again,
    8. To sit and talk with my family and friends.
    1. What of my friends online, so far but as near as my screen?
    2. A few of them, I wish, could be in my life
    3. Together, in person, in the same room
    4. Imperfections and all, for who we are.
    5. Maybe time will bring us together.
    6. Maybe we’ll let go of those fears
    7. After how many long distance years.
    8. Or maybe we never will, I don’t know.
    9. But I think it’d be ashame if it meant that little
    10. After all that time in friendship, sharing truths.
    11. Will we meet and discover we’re good friends for real?
    12. Will we find we’re not quite who we thought?
    13. What if we find the fault’s not in our onlines, but in ourselves?
    14. Or maybe, just maybe, we’ll find in our friends
    15. That even though we might not be exactly who we thought
    16. Our friendship will add a new level, new layers.
    17. Where added to that great online friend, family, pen pal
    18. We discover there’s more nuance and depth in the person
    19. When we know the rest of them right up close
    20. Flesh and blood, and spirit, the sound and sight and touch
    21. When a friend can really hug, beyond text on a screen.
    1. So many things are mysteries
    2. Too much to comprehend
    3. We only see glimpses, hear echoes, now and then.
    4. These things that I wonder, I may never resolve.
    5. But I find they’re worth thinking about.
    6. I can’t help but feel things, I can’t shut it off.
    7. I care about who and what I believe in.
    8. I feel how I feel and I think how I think.
    1. I know it’s true, you may never understand me.
    2. You may never get to know the real me here inside.
    3. Likewise, I may never understand you
    4. I may never get to know the real you there inside.
    5. But I hope, even so, somehow, we’ll be friends.